this is my journey

Fall In Love

2011-01-25T08:59:00.000+08:00

I'm honestly still stuck to that feeling with that person, though I've seen some really good looking peeps around. But whenever I see his face that feeling just rushes back to the first day.

But if fate will let me, I still am hoping. If not... I'll remain single till probably first year or so.. Cos my education is more important.

Control

2011-01-17T22:34:00.000+08:00

My home is not a home. I use to feel so comfortable and happy to stay home. But right now, I just want to runaway. I seem to be like really heavy burdens to my parents and it hurts me tons for them to tell me that to my face that I'm expensive.

When I was younger I never gotten much for my allowance and accepted that since I was just in primary school, seocndary school. I'm in college!

I'm still being treated like a child here. They are still telling me how to live my life and I just don't want to live my life angry cos I was doing it for them. Why can't they just get that I have my life to live before it's too late. I'm considering of working as a weekender because I have tons of expenses. But I need my weekends too...

I'm already gonna take part of my allowance to cover up my personal expenses they don't know of. from 800 bucks to like 10 buck left yo. WTF am I spending everything on. Anyway.... I'm just so damn exhausted from having to deal with my parents' sarcasm and ass-ness. My mom is like freaking annoying asking me to go to sleep. I find that they are trying to break in to my personal space by always knocking on my door asking me to get out of my room.

I don't ask for much. Just to provide for me financially and support. But all I am getting from them is cold shoulders and piercing sarcasm. What do you expect me to say?! I'm freaking pissed by just that. It's back to me feeling so terribly depressed that I cry myself to sleep. I'm tired of that.

It's so hard to live now. I just don't want to anymore. If only not breathing was easier than it sounded.

I've Not Change

2011-01-16T20:25:00.002+08:00

Don't keep living in the past cos I'm growing up. Stop treating me like I don't know cos I know enough to survive at my age. Don't make yourself look like you're the good parent cos I made sacrifices of my own too. Stop saying things that make me sound as if I'm becoming the rebel here. i guess you just didn't get the message. I'm not living my life for you, but for myself. I want to breathe the air of freedom, but you're my bondage. I want to see liberty, but you're my prison. Just stop holding me down. I know where to go in life. I'm sober enough to know not give in to peer pressure and to any sorts of nonsense. I've observed enough not to screw my life up. So stop ruining my day.

Damn!

2011-01-13T22:38:00.000+08:00

School started.

I've so far seen about 3 HOT HOT HOT seniors! Like HOT is not an exaggeration.

I only know one of their names, but the dude is like I think my height or shorter than me. LOL. But awesome smile. And he has dimples :D

Another one is good looking and really hot and annoying, but has a girlfriend. She's a very lucky girl.

The last one is good looking tall but I am just not into him. LOL.

Anyway I need to sleep now. I'm just so tired. GOODNIGHT!

PayDay

2011-01-08T22:08:00.000+08:00

I got nice sweet cash for my pay :D

I placed 78% of it to my bank and the rest are for spending and paying up my loans from my dad. I went shopping with my shoppers cheque that I received. I bought an awesome dress, and two blouses. I'm planning to buy another bag, but this is a backpack since I already have tons of slings. Still considering.

I was so overjoyed to have stepped in to Metro after one week of not working. I saw him too. He had a nice hair cut. Makes his hair less wavy. Haha. Still as beautiful as ever. It's weird to call a dude beautiful, but beauty is subjective anyway.

My room is in a total mess. Tomorrow I go to church early after that I go to the gym and go shopping for maybe an hour and then head to Compass Point to visit my giant colleague. Hopefully time will allow me. Anyway, I have to sleep now. I still have to be up 8 hours later.

Love The Way....

2011-01-05T23:19:00.000+08:00

Can I love like I did?

If I do, will it break the way it did?

And if it does, can I pick myself up and love again?

If I continue to love you the way I do, will fate give me a chance to feel it too?

Things I Held Back

2011-01-05T01:42:00.000+08:00

It's been 4 days since I stopped working. I haven't been to that place in 4 days. I think it's rather fast that I already miss them so bad, like I haven't seen them in months.

I might stop by there tomorrow and Friday if that's when I'm collecting my pay. I can't wait to see my colleagues!!! I miss them tons!

I've been staring into an empty convo box and am hesitant to say anything. I want to tell you how much I miss you and that I'm hoping that you'll miss me too. Which I obviously is a big "N" "O" right.

I must be dreaming if I ever hear someone tell me that though. Cos that's a big lie.

If I tell you I miss you, will I hear those words come back?
If I tell you I'm in love with you, will you give me a chance to be fallen in love with?
If I tell you I will wait for you, will you cross my road again?
If I tell you you're the only guy whose made me feel this much, will you ever reconsider trying to find that feeling?
If I tell you that you've made me risk everything, and it feels so worth it, would you ever believe that you leave such a big hole in my heart?

These are things I wish I could've told you, but didn't have the guts to cos the last time I tried to be fearless, you just rejected me flat down like that.

It's the End of A Decade

2011-01-03T02:03:00.000+08:00

Here's a new blog I'm starting for college. THIS IS A NEW AGE. Just a temporary platform for college and a time capsule. Hope you readers continue reading MY LIFE IS NO SECRET though cos it is still my personal platform for my emotions .

Ending 2010

2010-12-31T23:59:00.000+08:00

I'm ending my 2010 loving you. I'm still hoping that fate will happen. You will be my wish for the new year. You will be my continuos prayer.

I will miss you. And whoever wins your heart is a lucky girl. Someday I'm hoping I will too.

Please don't forget me. Please remember I will still be here.

Goodbye Love

2010-12-30T23:59:00.000+08:00

Goodbye love. Tomorrow I'll treasure every sight of you and today's moments. I'll remember how you made my heart skip a beat, how you took my breath away and how you've never made me feel the same.

I will miss you. You're probably disgusted by this. Let me just become poetic.

I will still stand here even if you're only looking at her. I will still be here even if all you want is her. And if you need a friend to talk to you know how to get me. I will never disappear.

Good luck on finding true love. Good luck in school. Hope you do very well. :)

Last thing.... I LOVE YOU!

COLLEGE HERE I COME!!!

2010-12-30T01:14:00.001+08:00

I AM JUST SUPER EXCITED!!!! I've been showered with blessings from my heavenly Father and I'm just thankful! But I only ask for one thing that I know he might not be able to give and I have to earn.. And that's love from a special someone...

Fall In Love

2010-12-29T02:47:00.000+08:00

No matter how broken I am from November....

A part of me is still whole from my encounters with you. Today was one of the best. I don't know if you're reading, but if you are let me tell you something...

When I looked away, the thought in my head was saying Shitt! It's him. Walk off and take the escalator instead.. But when you stood in front of me.. Why the fuck are you making this so hard on me... You know I have feelings for you or have you forgotten... Cos seriously it's killing me inside. I don't want to get close to you... You make it hard to breathe (in a good way) but you break my heart at the same time cos you're in love with someone else. Can you believe that's how fast I think.. Haha. But I hold on to that moment knowing the next might never come... I will always remember that smile on your face at the lift lobby.

I'm still hoping you'll notice me... But I know you won't. So I'm hoping she'll notice you :)

Notice

2010-12-27T01:24:00.000+08:00

As the days draw near to the uncertain fate of our friendship, I'm hoping you'll notice me. Cos I know we'll never see each other again. I'm hoping you'll be thinking of me. If you read this, which I know you won't, I'm hoping you'll know I'll be here.

I'm hoping you'll find someone to replace that part in your heart.

I never thought loving was gonna be this complicated, but you made a ride so worth it. I'm gonna miss you, even if we were nothing. I'll replay in my head how it all began and your pretty face will be the photograph flashing in my mind. Thank you for making me feel such magic even if it was nothing. I'll love you from far away.

Cross Your Mind

2010-12-26T00:24:00.001+08:00

I feel like a large amount of 'unluckiness' has just fell from the sky and I'm the one in a million person who gets it.

First was my camera that spoilt after exactly one year. That was a birthday present from my mom last year and she gave it to me a day earlier. Followed by the results of my college application. It said I was not shortlisted and I had to wait till 30 Dec 2010. Now my computer is crazy cos it did something to my Chrome and it doesn't allow me to re-install. I don't like using Internet Explorer and I ended up using Safari. But just to let you know I'm not using Mac. Safari is quite lag and has a tendency to hang. I miss my Chrome...!

I was a reading a random blog just now and came across some corny cliches about love and how girls are when they're doing what. I just remembered that this week I stop working. And I'm gonna be really sad. You ever fell for someone hoping they'll feel the same and it becomes such an unimaginable story to tell. I wish I had that. But the only story I hold is how pathetic I fell for someone I didn't know and how he broke my heart and still continue to be head over heels for him . He sadly likes someone else. I'm sure he still does. But I'm hoping the wind will change directions before I leave cos right now I want to say I love you even though I don't know you. You make me feel all sorts of things and you bring me to tears. You may be just an ordinary guy, but to me you shine so bright. I remembered how you walked passed me with that mysterious stare and how you swung your hair. I'm hoping you'll see me too.

I'm not sure if I'm wasting my heart's and mind's space and time feeling head over heels for you and thinking of you. I'm not sure if I'm throwing away other emotions because the situation has gotten me feeling rock bottom. If loving you was suppose to be this painful and scarring, maybe I'm an emotional masochist. My scars are invisible. I wonder have you ever given two-cents about feeling anything for me. Most probably not. I mean there's really nothing striking about me. Ugly and fat. I just wished the perception of guys would stop narrowing to pretty not-fat girls. I remembered I was in Cold Storage in Serangoon Gardens when I saw this couple, probably my age. The guy was good looking and trim and his girlfriend was 1.5 times my size and a lot shorter than me. She wasn't that pretty either. But she sure has very good luck. I was envious. I wished someone would hold my hand the way he held hers and someone would wrap their arms around me the way he did to her. Somehow there is fairytale in reality, but I'm unfortunate to not get struck by it.

Blow Out

2010-12-24T00:28:00.001+08:00

Hey! So work was okay. Stressful as usual cos of gift wrapping. But today was fun. I had lovely colleagues who wished me. And two lovely ladies who got me a bag of cookies. They're super sweet :)

The colleagues who I am close to were offered a small Tobleron chocolate. Cos sweetness should begin.

A big surprise from Javier for popping by and wishing me. Scared the hell out off me. It was totally epic. So BIG thank you again!

I was suppose to do OT today, but because Mom and Dad had made dinner for me, so couldn't.

Everything is really just short scenarios of today.

I want to THANK EVERYONE WHO WISHED ME! I <3 Y'ALL!

My wish this year is something I've been wanting and it's not materialistic,

Sweet Sixteen

2010-12-23T01:49:00.000+08:00

Thank you for the wishes on Facebook and the texts and the phone call from Anne. Although to be honest, she was the earliest. Haha

Happy Birthday to Pei Xiu, Muhammad and Trilene who turn 17, 16 and 15.

My wishes are simple. Cash and one important thing. I shall not say.

Olive you!

You're Seventeen!

2010-12-22T00:10:00.001+08:00

Hey!

Don't think you'll be reading this. But I'll still say it.

Happy Birthday.

I hope you win her heart. May your wishes, dreams and aspirations come true. May you become wiser as you grow older.

Someday if fate will let us be. That's the day I know you are certainly one in a million. Even without that you are.

Shopping!

2010-12-21T00:44:00.000+08:00

Today I was off. Yay! I woke up early to send daddy to the door cos he was leaving for a one-day business trip. I went back to sleep and woke up about 10 +. FBed, Twittered, watched YouTube and played guitar till 1 +. Mom was setting up the Christmas tree. Then washed up and headed out about 2 + with Mom to Orchard. We had lunch at ION. I was craving for some Sub. Lunch was delicious! Walked with Mom to Takashimaya and went shopping there. I got my bag and shoes for school next year. Mom and I walked into those open boutique in the department store. I got myself something like sweater-come-shirt that reminds me of Twitter. Haha. And I got myself a really nice small bag. It's really nice and sweet. Then Mom got some other blouses.

Mom and I walked back to ION to go and see the shoes in Rubi. They were having some Christmas sale and the place was packed like crazy. I got myself a pair of shoes and a pair of slippers. Oh! And nice black pair of sun glasses 8D

On the bus on the way to Bishan MRT. Mom looks completely unglam, but this was better compared to the previous shot. (Which I won't upload...)

I was just fascinated by how lovely this looks even though it's artificial. ION's food court.

The blouse-come-sweater that reminds me of Twitter. Hey! I rhymed :D

My school bag and shoes for next year. Finally I got my pair of sneakers and a Dickies messenger bag. I love it!

My small bag that I got and some blouses my Mom and I got. I'm lovin the bag!

The pair of shoes and slippers and glasses I got from Rubi Shoes. Can't really see it...

Trying on Mom's dress. Looks really nice, but makes my ass look like Kim K's

In all, I spent $197 and Mom spent $284. But of course Mom paid for it. Mom is just awesome. We had a really great day without much noise from dad cos he's away. Haha. Mom and I get along really well even though we get into little of arguments.

Hello Love

2010-12-19T01:17:00.000+08:00

I will stop talking about my results, cos it's been an unending indecisiveness, although I have already made up my mind.

But you know this past few days I've also been thinking where life will take me. Where love will find me.

I'm holding to empty moments that just seem to be the only thing I can grasp. Moments where I took picture with my mind. How you stood in front of me. How that smile will linger in my mind.Someday I hope to find someone like you.

Decide! Decide! Decide!

2010-12-18T11:45:00.000+08:00

It's been a rather anxious week. Well, to start off, results were released yesterday. So my whole week was all about worst case scenario. Thursday night was quite a sleepless night, because of the anxiety that was eating me from within and the fear of disappointing my parents.

I'm thankful that I did well enough to have wider options. I never thought in a million years I could be given an option to go to Sec 4NA. But I've decided not to, cos I would be struggling too much that I may not survive. 2 years more in secondary school is more than I can bargain for, so I'll just go to college.

Sadly, daddy is disappointed with me again because I only have one course in mind. I don't think he realises I'm a very decisive person that's why. But I will read up the courses later and short-list them.

To Love

2010-12-14T00:07:00.003+08:00

When all you can ever do is love someone with all your heart, but the person can never feel the same way, all you can ever do now is hope that the person they love will love them back the way you would.

Invisible

2010-12-13T00:44:00.002+08:00

I am invisible. It's like your stares are cold and passing. I'm holding on to moments when you talk to me, and I'm just looking back to that Thursday when I met you. I won't forget that.

But now that you know, it's not easy hiding from anything. I wish I didn't know, but I do, and it's sad that you overlooked me. But I'm hoping you'll be happy.

I've given up trying. I'll just let everything fall apart and I won't keep trying to hold my heart together.

I'll let reality slap me in the face as I continue to believe in the existence of fairytales

Different Direction

2010-12-11T23:48:00.000+08:00

If the world is round, when I walk the opposite direction, I know I'll meet you again, someday.

I haven't been in my tip top condition for the past few weeks or past month. I have been so emotional this period. And it's not due to any cycle. Why I say that? Because I said period. There's no hidden message in that whole sentence.

But I've been going through some mending of my own. I let myself watch my heart tear like a piece of rag and now I'm trying to mend it back, but I'm not doing a good job. Smiling and pretending that things are okay is like using safety pins just to hold the pieces together.

I've fallen for someone and now I've fallen apart. I don't know why I feel so naive. I'm like a total fool. I thought I was wiser when it came to this kind of things. I thought I knew that I wouldn't cry for a boy. But, Hello! I'm here crying my eyes out and getting blocked nose. In the morning my eyes can barely open because of the crying sessions.

Anyway. I keep waiting for nothing. He's one in a million and I will not take it back. But he's just like other guys who prefer to look at the obvious first. So fairytales don't exist for me. But I believe in them. Prince charming will never sweep me off my feet, cos he ends up avoiding me and liking someone else. But I believe they exist, because my friends have their own and someday I hope I have one too.

Teardrops In My Nights

2010-12-10T00:16:00.000+08:00

So as Taylor Swift's very first song that I heard two years ago went about a boy who liked another girl. Well it's my theme song now. He likes someone else. I'm not surprise that he doesn't. She's pretty.

I'm hoping that she will not break his heart. I'm hoping that she'll give him a chance. I'm hoping that she'll notice his beautiful eyes and his sweet smile. And I hope that she knows she is lucky that he likes her cos he's one in a million.

It's the saddest thing that he is the reason for my tearful nights. But I'm hoping he doesn't have to go through anything like that.

I Wish

2010-12-10T00:03:00.000+08:00

You're the biggest thing that hit me.

You're the best thing I've felt.

But you can never be the best thing that's ever been mine.

Cos you'll never be...

Cos we'll never be...

Planned All Wrong

2010-12-09T00:30:00.000+08:00

What a bummer! I should've just gone with the flow of my schedule. And changed another day. But whatever. It's an easier way to avoid?

I'm honestly holding every moment I can. This seriously sucks a lot! I'm back to do gift wrapping. Like seriously, can't the supervisors teach them and they learn. That's not fair. We had to deal with customers to learn how to wrap.

I am so freaking unhappy now. Never mind there's next week right? I want to ask my supervisor if our schedule will be affected because Nicholas quitted. Might as well put as back to normal, right. Less complications.

You know, I'm gonna try and be friendly. But I want to try and get to know you better. But as you should know, I'm not much of talker. Or maybe cos I get butterflies in my stomach. You got me wonderstruck. Some other day then.

Turn The Other Way

2010-12-08T00:36:00.000+08:00

Honestly I have so much to say. But I just don't know how to.

I'll start off by probably being angry first.

I am trying my best to avoid you. Probably the hardest thing cos we have mutual friends. I don't want to be near you cos it's a constant reminder of my horrible crying nights. I don't know what's the truth, but I, of all people, have no rights to that answer. So I won't ask.

On a brighter side.

I love being around you. It's hard to breathe. But I'm appreciating every moment that's given. I don't have chance with you. You're like an untouchable star. So out of reach. Like a superstar. Too famous to notice me. I think I've just got a song in mind. You inspire me to write the unspoken words into songs. I want to thank you for that as well.

If you only would notice me, not that you don't cos you already know, but if only you'd see a better side. But I'm obviously not what anyone wants right. Be honest. It's not the friendship thingy. It's because you don't like me and choose not to, right?

It's understandable. So just be honest. I want to have a proper conversation with you. I will be the friend nd you have to be completely honest with me. And I will to. Maybe an answer for a question. Make it short and quick.

What Luck

2010-12-07T00:32:00.000+08:00

Finally Daddy agreed to getting me iPhone 4. But I'm paying him back. So altogether I owe him more than 600 bucks.

I need to change the screen protector cos the one I have now have tons of bubbles.

I don't know whether to feel happy that I got that stupid call or not, cos I was in the middle of writing something till your damn name appeared on my phone breaking my thought. I think you should know that I have caller ID. And you're voice is rather unique. Cos it's high and nasaled. So I know who called. I have a good memory at weird things. Like voices and the way you talk. Or faces and names. So yeah. Next time use a public phone.

Hide Away

2010-12-05T23:59:00.003+08:00

I'm sitting here crying in my candle-lit room, crying over what happened today. Today I was I was treated like a fool by what I thought were my friends, but I guess that does not exist when you only know them by name and they don't know who you are. Although I'd like to thank a new friend who was very nice to sit with me.

I have a tendency to remember this kind of things. Not that I'll take revenge or anything. I like to remind myself that these things happen.

I'd like to run away and hide, but that would just be rude. Maybe I'll give it another shot to have another meal with them, but if it's gonna be the same ol' thing, I'd probably just walk off and not eat. I am capable of anything dramatic.

Whether I waste my money or not, it doesn't matter. I won't let myself sit there and feel like a total fool. I have to be selfish and love myself first. Cos no one will care more about my feelings but me.

I'm sorry if I seem like a total dramaqueen. But you can't treat people that way. I'm sorry if I ever pissed anyone off to make you have a bad impression of me.

Cold Jokes

2010-12-05T23:57:00.001+08:00

Today was okay.

Except dinner.

That was a cold joke. I'm not a big fan of that. I don't think I want to go with you guys since I seem like a total intruder. I don't think they even remember. But I do. I do oh-so-very-well. Everyday seem to be like another horrible day with just dash of sweetness, not enough to make it balance.

That change for December has to take effect now!

No one likes being treated like a fool. But that's what I felt today. That's how you sort of treated me today. And it don't just hurt. It HURTS! It's hard to always be on the outside looking in. But that's pretty much how life has been for me. I'll never fit in. I will never be accepted in this place, in any place.

I would've walked off but I'm not suppose to show how weak I am. I am not strong person emotionally, I can tell you that straight. My heart cannot tolerate any of this shitt. But if I have to, I have to. Isn't one sad event bad enough. Isn't a rejection enough? Must it be added by this?

I don't think this Christmas is magical. It's just full of crying over and over again.

Maybe I'll distance myself from them. I just don't want to be hurt this way here. I've gone through this for four years. I think I've had enough.

Contradict

2010-12-04T13:58:00.001+08:00

I'm contradicting. I know that. I knew that I was a long time ago. But when all I really want is to avoid you, there's this something that is smiling away . Or how I can be so angry but I'll be the quietest. Or how I can be in such a bad mood but it's easier to ask me for help.

Although I will always help where I can help. But I'm somehow nicer when I'm feeling down. I don't know why. Not that I am mean when I'm feeling alright. I am still nice!

Today's sale was hectic and a total chaos. I lost two of my new pen knives, even though it's really cheap, I think it still sucks that I lost both of it! Gift wrapping was an unhealing nose bleed. They just kept bombarding us with huge items or many small items. Worse would be many ginormous items for wrapping. It's so crowded and there's so little space to move around.

Just plain crazy!

I'm going to church tomorrow. I think I might just fall asleep during service. I don't know. Unless a cup of coffee?

Tomorrow juggling in GWC and HHD. I'm sorry. Didn't you know the acronyms? I thought you did. But I'm too lazy to tell you. Just keep wondering what I'm talking about. :)

Goodnight!

These Days I Haven't Been Sleeping

2010-12-04T01:53:00.001+08:00

You ever thought you could cry so much for one thing.

I didn't.

But I found out I can.

I have been.

In my prayers I'm asking for such a miracle.

Silence So Loud

2010-12-03T23:02:00.000+08:00

My actions magnify my emotions. When I'm angry or sad, I can be the quietest thing. When I'm happy or just in complete content, I'm super jumpy and loud.

I think I'm throwing in the towel cos I know I've got no shot at anything. It's so frustrating and I don't want to be teased by this. Cos not only is it annoying, it's like a cold sharp knife piercing through my heart. I can't stand to be near you. I can't.

I'm not dumb or stupid. I'm observant and I know. You're that kind of person. You're not so 'one in a million' after all. I thought I saw who you were. But I guess I was wrong.

After this I don't want to feel a thing anymore. Many people have made me feel something close to what I felt before, but no one has made me fall this hard. I've become naive to this feeling and it's hitting me again.

I really don't know what to say. I don't think I can stand back up again. I'll be the best actress I can be and fake a smile. But I can't promise I can lie all the way.

Things I'll Never Say

2010-12-03T01:33:00.000+08:00

I know we haven't spoken for a long time. It's been so hard to try and talk to you. The last time I tried to make a conversation with you, it was awkward. Now it's hard to even pass by. I don't understand. I thought you said friendship was more important. Why are you reacting the way you do?

I'm not sure why said what you said in that message. I wonder if you meant it. Maybe you were just trying to figure something quick to reply, but things show that you are avoiding me. I told you you would. I knew it. It would've been better if I didn't tell you but I was sort of not given a choice since the word was going around and I didn't want to let that chance slip. But I swear I don't know how other people knew. To be honest, the only people who knew were my close friends. You would know who they are. And not telling you would be like really stupid cos other people would know but you.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is, why are being the way you are. I thought we're okay. But we're not, are we? After the whole miscommunication, it's been hard trying to talk to you. Being random wasn't an option. I'm gonna face you and clear the misty clouds cos I don't want to seem like such a burden on you. I swear I don't know why you're stressed out. You are seriously weird.

This is meant for someone. Not a random blabber.

First Day of December

2010-12-01T23:53:00.000+08:00

I'm holding my tongue trying not swear. I'm trying not to be mean. It isn't as easy as I thought it would be.

Firstly, I want to start off by saying I've met another colleague who is making such a quick wrong judgement about me. I honestly think we started off on the wrong foot. But I'm gonna show my true colours. Which is probably not as loud and as mean as I seem.

Dinner was okay. Went with some of my colleagues from different departments. But I don't quite like the topic of conversation. I swear I could cry right because of that and ruin my make up. I feel so lazy to even put it on. I think tomorrow I'm going back to my basic make up which is eyeliner, mascara and blusher.

I'm back in customer service for wrapping again. But this time I have to help the new temp staff. Kind of sucks to wrap again. I hate it! It's boring and I'd rather roam around the selling floor.

I can't wait till pay day. I have to make my shopping list for Christmas presents and I need to get a new phone cos my phone is crazy.

Anyway, I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. I just am not so thrilled to work tomorrow. Not that I hate my job or my colleagues. Well some. Okay, I don't hate. I have no room for hate in my life. I just dislike a few of them or I dislike the thoughtless things they say. I'm rather sensitive. I hide behind my sarcasm. But what do you want me to do. I cannot keep crying right.

I will make sure I spend a permanent time with God and make sure I do spend time to pray no matter how tired I am. I really need someone who can make me feel better now. I know that's the only escape.

Goodnight! I hope for a better tomorrow.

Your Friend

2010-12-01T23:39:00.000+08:00

I've come to find out that my threats are harmless. I'm serious. I don't mean it. But there are things I say that I truly mean.

People use my 'secret' to annoy me. But so far what I know hasn't been used to really blackmail anyone. That shows what kind of people they really are. I think teasing someone has a limit. And mine has reached boiling point long time ago. I'm just not bursting into rage cos I fall to pieces. As they tease me about a stupid thing, I hold a secret for a friend not even teasing cos I respect their privacy. I'm not sure that everyone gets that. It's kinda disappointing that people just blurt it out thinking it's nothing. Everything we feel is something important. So I'm not sure people have been great friends besides being supportive.Cos they haven't been really respecting that part of it being personal.

It's not a joke to feel the way I do. People think it's okay, but it's not. I wish I could turn back time and take it all back. Take that confession. Take that speculation. Maybe we'd still be friends. Not tell anyone. Let it burn in me. I'm not liking how people talk. It's so cold, I feel my cheeks feel warm and I feel like I'm about to break down to tears.

Everyone thinks it's funny. I don't think so. Everyone seems to think that poking fun at such a fail confession is alright even though I'm there. I can't take it anymore. It's not alright. Nothing is. I just need a friend right now. A friend who'd care about how I'd feel. A friend who could make me laugh. Everyone just becomes complete strangers right now.

Last day Of November

2010-11-30T23:51:00.000+08:00

TODAY SUCKS BIG TIME!

I honestly hate being verbally abuse. It's like school all-over again. Does it even matter? I think my mission to be good is gonna be hard. How do you try and not be angry by something you're offended by. But because this bunch of friends I've got are one of the best bunch I've met, I shall not isolate myself from them.

I've come to find out that what you said were just a bunch of hypocritical statement and you don't mean what you say. I'm here trying not freak out, but you're the one who is paranoid. Seriously! My anger can only go so far.

Tomorrow I'm gonna be different. I'm not gonna be violent and I will be nice :)

I could swear so many times right now, I'm just hesitating. I am freaking happy that Kiat is back! Whoo! Can disturb him again :D

Freaking bummer that I have some days I work afternoon instead of morning because of this Nicholas! I hope he quits soon so maybe my supervisor can change me back. I don't like having this odd shifts. There's just too much effort needed for the day. This sucks!

I'm on my last 10 mins before it's December. And it'll be my mission to make a change in me.

STUPID COWS! They should just screw themselves right now. Making my day terrible. Uh!

Before December Begins

2010-11-29T19:56:00.000+08:00

So I made this weird noted and hung them on my shelf above my desk. This was my to-dos today. Manage to all of it. Yay!

December Shall Have A Good Start

2010-11-28T23:42:00.000+08:00

I'm hoping December begins well. I've planned a list of things to change. Here's the list.

Maybe to start the new year better is to end the previous one well. So with that in mind, I'm hoping to start my
December well.

Besides my little list of Make-Me-Change-December, I'm gonna do some spring cleaning to my room. Right now it's in horrible shape. Tomorrow, I start with my laundry. I have to do laundry twice. First will be my clothes, followed by my bed sheet etc. Then I have to clear my desk, my dresser and my bookshelves. Then sweep and mop my floor.

I might need to do some reorganising with a lot of my things too. Oh gosh! Tomorrow is gonna be a long morning.

I can't wait till pay day! I'm gonna convince my parents to get me the cute iPhone. Not 4 cos it looks so square-ish. I like the 3GS cos it is rounder making it look cuter :D I describe things oddly. Eh... I know that too.

I'm planning to continue working next year as a weekender to earn some extra cash to get by my shopping expenses. Hmm... Still thinking. The pay is okay.

Daddy thinks I should quit after I get my results because I have to apply for ITE and get my books and uniform etc. It's gonna be hectic but I'm gonna continue till my contract ends and probably tell Elynn I want to work as a weekender after that. Let's see how things go.

Spin In Sparkle

2010-11-28T07:26:00.000+08:00

I'm tired of dreaming. I'm tired of feeling something. But I just can't stop. I wish things could come down on me a little easier than the way things are coming down on me now.

Everything is hard and rough. I wish I could just escape to a place where I can me again. But since I started working, all I've ever wanted to do is go my room and be alone. My parents aren't that happy about this sudden change. But that's really not my problem. I guess the way they said it as if I wan't suppose to change. I'm a little grouchy nowadays. But the tick me off. How am I not suppose to be grouchy? Mom is always nagging and I can't stand it anymore. Sometimes it doesn't even make sense.

I'm still caught up with this stupid feeling which I want to go away, because it's such a heart breaker. But I can't let it go. I just wish it would be like those shows where you spin in sparkles and magic happens. Things change for the better.

Oh wells!

I Want It All

2010-11-27T20:33:00.000+08:00

There isn't anything wrong with wanting to have something new and unnecessary. Sometimes I'd like to have things that I can enjoy. What's so hard about that. Coming to me telling me that I've hurt her is such a lame thing to say. And to tell me that I show my temper when I don't get things, that's just an exaggeration. Cos I want so many things that I don't get. There are things I want that hurt so much. So to tell me that it's not necessary is such a whole load of crap.

Tell me whether smoking is necessary. It's not! But you still do. It's way more expensive than a phone. Maybe I'd like to have something nice sometimes. Maybe I'd like to look at myself and know that I have it all. But I don't have it all. I want my dreams to be of reach, but it's not. I want to feel like I belong somewhere. But I don't. Half the time, I'm just an awkward follower.

There are the things I want in life just to enjoy my the company of myself. But I don't get that luxury. Maybe I'm materialistic. But I'm not asking you to get me everything. There are things I'd rather you spend on me than other things I don't need or even want.

Just because you're the parent, that doesn't make you know everything. You only know what you think you know, when you really don't. Sometimes I'm not sure if you even know if I'm sad or not. Sometimes I'm not sure if you ever listen to me talk about the things I want in life. Cos I doubt you do. You're always pushing me to do things I don't want to do in life. Instead, I'm living my life for you instead of for me.

There's nothing wrong with changing. Maybe you don't like it cos you're thinking I'm still a little girl. But I'm not. You treat me like I'm a baby. It's like I have been stripped away from my right to have an opinion.

I'm pretty much in such a bad mood. Mom says I'm always angry. Who doesn't get pissed when all you want is something that is within reach, just that there's too many excuses you call explanations. I've grown up to be in love with these gizmos. Even that you can't live with. I'm not like those teenagers wasting my life away. Isn't that good enough. I'm sick and tired being always the one at fault when the truth is, you always are too damn controlling. Always wanting to have it first when you don't know how to use. As for me, I learn it quick. But not given the chance to. That's not fair.

I'm just here feeling all angry and crying. I've cried so many times this two months. I've never felt so down for such a long time. But this past two months have been just filled with sadness, tears and being pissed off. It's making me feel like I just want to fight back. But I am that type of person who rather feel sad than fight back. I'd rather be alone than have a conversation trying to reason things out. There's nothing to reason out.

Now that I'm pissed. I'll be pissed tomorrow as well. And I'm smiling, that just means I'm trying to be nice .

Fated Not To Be

2010-11-26T23:59:00.001+08:00

There's a huge sign that says "Fate doesn't want it to be!"

What am I talking about! Well, I already saw how December is gonna be. A clear sign of no chance. I'm not trying to be a drama queen or a total paranoid pessimist, but it's obvious that there will be no opportunity. I bet he prayed hard for this. But if there will be chance, I'm sure it'll come right.

Right now, I'm just gonna fix my eyes on the people who surround me. I have to stop being sad that fairytales don't happen for me. That I don't live in the world of my imagination, just cold reality.

I'm starting to sound like the girl I was back in my freshmen year. I saw the world as a cold place. But now I just see it as the place where reality is cold and fairytales only gives you false hope.

No one would see me cry because of this, but I do. I do because it's rare that someone can captivate you like that. I was wonderstruck by his presence and that is no doubt.

I keep playing these love songs over and over again. Hoping things will be much easier. I'm doubting that.

I'm holding to nothing, just to a dream that keeps me hoping. I'm sounding pathetic and desperate. But all I ever want to find in this world is true love for me.

Drop Everything Now

2010-11-26T01:02:00.000+08:00

I'm enjoying work although I'm missing friends. It's fun to talk to them, even if they do disturb me on something rather personal. I'm easy to get along. But I'm a little sensitive. Never thought I'd find amazing friends in people like them, but they are awesome!

Although lunch is quiet and lonely at the canteen so far, it's okay. So far it's my second day having lunch alone in the canteen.... A bit pathetic... But what the heck. I have to eat.

I'm still trying to figure out how things will be next week. I'm hoping not awkward. Yes. I am a pessimist, and I have a wild mind that has exaggerated thoughts. So I think worse-case scenario. Don't think I'm paranoid or anything, I'm not. Just a wild, pessimistic mind.

You know, Wen Jun said the most f-ed up thing today. He said there's a new temp staff that looks this guy and said maybe I was interested. What kind of f-ed up thing is that man! For those who knew my about my previous crushes, they'd know that they were all long-term. So I love whole-heartedly.

Well, it's 1 am. I've gotta sleep.

Night Of Elegance

2010-11-25T01:03:00.001+08:00

Prom was awesome! Although I must say, I was honestly a little nervous because of my dress. I'm insecure, what can you do, right?

The ladies looked gorgeous and the guys looked very gentlemanly. It was super fun.

The ballroom was okay. The set up was really nice. The banner was average. The food was okay. But the whole event was just too fun to be all judgemental about.

The night was so fun and filled with quite a bit of photographs.

And our lovely class photo :D

Riding Solo

2010-11-24T01:18:00.003+08:00

So work was okay today. Boring, weird customers, coughing non-stop and sneezing. I was at the Customer Service today for gift wrapping. Nothing to thrilling.

Lunch, I went to Subway for a takeaway lunch and ate at the canteen. I end up signing in a minute late. But because I was at the canteen the whole time. I hope no pay cut or anything. I've put myself aside too much to get a pay cut.

I felt so tired and I couldn't stop coughing and sneezing. My breathing is a little hard.

I miss so many people! I miss those times. Although they weren't much, but still, it was something. I miss Joanne cos she helps make awkward moments and situations a lot less awkward.

I went to Bugis after work. I was terrified of the crowd in the train. On my way back, I didn't know if I should take the Circle line or EW line change to NS line to NE line. Eventually just took the train to City Hall, changed to Dhoby Ghaut then stopped at Seng Kang. Bought dad dinner home.

I am honestly close to broke. My parents don't know how much it cost to eat out every day plus I pay for my own transport. Kind of sucks a lot. I'm gonna borrow from mom soon.

I have to go to sleep now. So tired.

P.S. I don't know what to say to you. Could you say something to me instead. I'm not good at making conversation. I get a ~~little~~ lot nervous attempting to talk to you. Even if it's online.

Tell You Why

2010-11-23T23:18:00.001+08:00

I don't know how to answer this question, but I'll try, with a poem :)

You stood out of the crowd even if you blended in.
You took my breath away, even if I didn't know your name.
There is no way I could describe how I felt that day,
if I wasn't shy I'd probably say "Hey".

I swear you have beautiful eyes.
I won't lie, I love your smile.
I watched you as you walked, and
I love listening to you talk.

But there's more to it than the obvious,
You have shown me that you are one in a million.

You've made my heart become vulnerable.
You softened the cold cover.
You have made me jump then fall into this beautiful dream,
although you're like a star, an untouchable beam.

My Thoughts Will Echo Your Name

2010-11-23T00:23:00.001+08:00

I have been feeling a little sick lately. Well it started to worsen after that night. Well it's not advisable to have a soar throat and start crying.

My voice is coarse and my nose is blocked. It feels like last year all over again.

I'm still trying to figure out how to be fearless.

Today was Joanne's last day. I've only become a little bit more social when I was with her, well who won't. She is very friendly. But I'm just too shy to even make conversation sometimes.

I've never laughed so hard for a long time like I did when I'm with Anne.

But my title isn't referring to her. Her name won't echo in my head.

Those who know, would know.

I was at the customer service today, and it was quite boring. No Kiat to disturb. :( Honestly miss him. Haha. It's fun to disturb him. But I guess they'll finally see how I am truly very very quiet and sweet :)

But as the song went "This is me praying that this was the very first page, not where the story line ends. My thought will echo your name, until I see you again. These are the words I held back, as I was leaving too soon."
Although I'd change I was leaving too soon, to you were leaving too soon.

What ever it is. Life is not about giving up. And love isn't about waving the white flag. It's about fighting for how you feel.

I have to go now. I still have to work in the morning.

See you soon dear friend!

Blog about?

2010-11-22T21:41:00.000+08:00

I have no idea what to blog about now. It's not that I have nothing in mind. But I'm thinking of what some of those who read my blog, not that there's many. I don't want to offend anyone or piss anyone off.

I'll give my life and thoughts a little privacy. It's not that I won't blog or anything like that, I'm just not gonna be so detailed the way I usually am.

Well, let's just see how things go.

Think Back

2010-11-22T01:44:00.001+08:00

I still can remember a month ago, that exact week, how things were. First day, I was taken away by a mysterious appearance. Third day, I was blown away by the kindness and sweetness.. The next few days were about the same.

Basically, that's how.

Why?

Many have asked me this. When I mean many, I mean those who know and wonder why. There's no simple explanation. Well probably by everything done. The appearance was probably the most minor factor.

I'll try my best to be fearless and just talk. Not that there's anything major to announce, I will try to stop hiding from my own shadow.

When I'm Down

2010-11-22T00:10:00.001+08:00

I didn't feel like going to church today. My eyes were a little puffy from the last night. I cannot stop myself from holding it all back. But I cannot pretend that I don't want to say a word. I do. But I just don't know what. It's like we're talking, but not to each other... That kind of thing. It's so weird. But it'll fade.

I'm hoping Cupid will give me chance.

On the other hand, I've used my poem: Confession, to make a song. So, YAY!

It's Won't Be The Same

2010-11-20T23:27:00.001+08:00

It's so sad!

Joanne is leaving on Tuesday, that makes Monday her last day. Kiat's and Yang's last was today. But they're coming back somewhere in the following week. So, hopefully same shift? Though I doubt so.

Maybe, I'll go for meal breaks with Wei Hong :D He's fun to talk to. But nothing compares to Joanne :D

It will be so different! Oh dear! :(

That's really sad.

Signed Sealed Delivered

2010-11-20T23:03:00.001+08:00

So I've done it! I became fearless. I spoke now... Well I wrote it down. But hey, he knows. I'm glad though that he's not running away starting find a hide out. A little exaggerated, but hey, that's what they do.

Honestly, that proves he is one in a million. But maybe it's just not him or wrong timing? I don't know. At least, I don't have to stay wide awake thinking.

I'm an Emotional Roller-Coaster Ride

2010-11-20T01:08:00.002+08:00

I go to work knowing that my main agenda at the end of the day is to be fearless and to speak now. But all high spirits were broken by colleagues who think it's funny. I don't really know what's so funny about liking someone. I don't really know what's funny about feeling afraid to end up having a broken heart. I could've cried. I'm rather sensitive. Sometimes that makes me sound like a total emo.

I've been trying to keep it cool. Tomorrow's my last chance. I will. I need to hold on to my 'fearlessness' spirit. I will speak tomorrow. I have to convince myself. Now, I'm gonna re-write it for the I-don't-know-how many-times.

Honestly, I am not very vulgar. Unless I get really pissed off. Neither am I very violent. I am not. I swear! I am very soft hearted. I cannot take much of being made fun of when it isn't funny cos I'll cry. I'm after all just a girl. A shy one for that matter. Most of my classmates have seen me through the four years, how I've broken down and where I fire up. So I'd suppose it's no surprise. But the best thing about me is, you can get along with me easily and I can be the best person to talk to if you need anyone. It's weird isn't it?

My Usual Morning

2010-11-19T09:58:00.000+08:00

Good Morning Peeps!

So I'm bored. My usual routine for this week since I'm working in the afternoon is be on the computer as I continue to let Taylor Swift keep playing in the background. So this is what I pretty much look in the morning.

I usually don't untie my hair from the night before cos I love seeing it curl.

Alright! I need to other things :D

Byeeeee!

Cold Air

2010-11-19T01:26:00.001+08:00

Today rained and I was almost late. I ended up taking a taxi and tipping the driver. A little gratitude for making me not late. That's $5 gone.

I was at Customer Service today. It was okay. Zoey was really nice and helpful. There was this customer who was exaggerating and making a complaint. I swear he was there for probably an hour non-stop blabbering about the same damn thing.

Had dinner with Wei Hong and Seng Kiat. The whole conversation was full of geeky stuff. Like computer games.Then we went to Cold Storage. Bought Kinder Bueno cos I couldn't resist it. All Seng Kiat's fault. And I bought December issue of my totally favourite magazine.

During tea break, almost killed the shitt out of Seng Kiat. Sorry man! Seriously. You're too fragile already. I enjoy disturbing him though. But I guess my words can sometimes be a little too cold. I will watch out for that.

At about 9+, played around the Toys department cos it's AWESOME!

So yeah. I miss household and the selling floor.

Tell You Soon

2010-11-18T01:36:00.001+08:00

So a few darling friends know about this thing. I'm hoping that they'll keep it first. I'm gonna pass him the note soon... I'm just not sure when.. Cos pros and cons. The only major con, he'll avoid me.

That's the last thing I'd want but I have to brace myself for it. I've gotten some encouragement from the only thorn amongst the roses. Thank You! :D

Today was okay. Nothing really. I'm off to bed now. Night.

Fall In Love: Part 2

2010-11-18T01:19:00.001+08:00

They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, it turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

Fall In Love: Part 1

2010-11-18T01:18:00.000+08:00

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life

Wrapping?

2010-11-17T01:47:00.001+08:00

Today was tiring.Gift wrapping at the customer service counter. I don't like it there. It's cold and boring unless I annoy KitKat. But my sharp tongue can only go so far. I have my limits to where my cold sarcasm can go.

Had dinner with the usual peeps. Joanne was having a bit of a cold.Hopefully she's feeling better. Rather quiet at dinner still. I think I might have lost my voice whenever you're here. I don't know. I'm holding on to nothing, but these chances.

Well, I left for work early this afternoon cos I had to meet YunJie to buy Taylor Swift Tickets. Finally got our tickets! Whoo! Had lunch with her at Mac. Wasn't too keen about my lunch cos all the fatty food. I would've had lunch at home, but I was running late.

Took the train to Seng Kang and I was rushing to punch in cos I was running really late.But thankfully the hand punch is a little slow. I changed to my work tee-shirt and ran back in.I was in a total rush, but thankfully the security guard wasn't too bad. :)

Wrapped wrapped wrapped wrapped. I think I am about to go broke with the expenses for this month especially because my pay is only half a month. Can't wait for December 7. My shopping list will be long. For me and Christmas presents. Might throw a Christmas dinner like last year. Invite the same peeps. And this time hoping there are presents for each other.

I'm finally done with that note. It's in my new treble clef purse. Cos my Ferragamo wallet is always bulging in my pocket making it hard to do things. This just temporary.

Well, it's 1.46 am. I better hit the sack now. I still have to do my laundry in the morning. Night peeps.

Swipe

2010-11-16T00:15:00.000+08:00

I had a great off day today. Although I wanted to get a few things done and get home for dinner, we shopped till about 8 pm. Walked around Iluma and BHG. Shopped mostly for YunJie's and XueQi's dress and shoes.

Karine and I met and went to Tampines. Then we met XueQi and YunJie in Tampines 1, then had lunch with them.After walking around for awhile, we met WanYi at the MRT station. We took the train all the way to Bugis. Bought some food then went to Parco to look for prom dresses. Not for me or Karine, if that's what your thinking.

After figuring out that the dresses at Parco are just expensive and way out of their budget, we decided to go to my regular optician to get contact lenses. I'm happy to announce that I get them on Tuesday, a day before prom. :D
I'm hoping it'll last me till the end of the year :D Or I'll just get another set. Spent quite a bit today, but thankfully I told mom to transfer my money to my account. She doesn't trust me with my 'Little Girl' savings.

I don't think I can go for Taylor Swift's concert anymore. It's gonna be restricted view. But who want that right. I'm not sure yet. Considering still. Maybe I'll convince mom and dad to pay for me first. But I'm obviously gonna pay them back after I get my November pay.

I still don't know if I want to tell him that ............... You know what I'm talking about....

Write You A Note

2010-11-14T23:02:00.001+08:00

I've been torn between making decision. I don't quite like making much decisions. First is whether to tell this stupid crush I have for this guy who is one in a million. He is the only one who has made me cry. There must be something about him that is worth being fearless for. Right? By the way, he didn't literally make me cry, it's those sad nights where I think if he likes someone else and how it's sad. Never in my teenage years have I cried for a crush. I have told myself they're not worth it. But whoa! I find myself crying in my prayers hoping that this guy will notice me.

Then, I'm thinking when should I tell. How should I tell? I was planning a note on a piece of small square lilac paper, but now I'm not so sure. When I say something like that, I'll stutter. I won't look you in the eyes. Maybe a piece of pathetic confession will help you read between the lines. Maybe then you'll realise what kind of person I really am.

So. Tell me how I can make this fearless move to speak now by a tag on my tagboard or leave a comment on this post. :)

Fearless. Speak Now

2010-11-14T20:39:00.001+08:00

The longer I've listened to Taylor Swift's two albums, the more I learn about people, love and relationships. It's interesting. In every song there's a message. In every album, there's a motive.

Fearless is about taking that leap of faith. Speak Now is about saying something before you look back regretting not saying it. So, I've slowly taken baby steps into doing what my idol writes about.

I'll be fearless and speak now. :D Well not literally now... Soon.. soon.

Dance in The Rain

2010-11-13T22:31:00.001+08:00

It's been a weird few days lately. I think cell group last night really opened my heart to something. Facing the problem straight to end it. Maybe an apology is not enough. Maybe we need to know what's happening on both sides.

It's taken me quite sometime to find that courage to face it. But I'm thankful that I have. I think.

I'm not gonna cry sad things tonight. Maybe just happy things. I'll be thanking God for the things He has always blessed me with. That's faith, truth, love and a continuous guiding light.

I could wear my prom dress and just twirl around in the rain. I'm not on cloud nine yet. I'm hoping that day will come soon.

I'm just glad :)

Tomato

2010-11-13T08:33:00.000+08:00

I went for cell group last night. For those who have just started reading my boring-over emotional post, cell group is a small group of people doing something like bible study.

Last night was interesting. I'm not sure if it's coincidental that the topic was about dying to yourself, and about not pretending for the world. It's about losing the part of us that has to be Little Miss Perfect. And also about swallowing your pride.

It's seriously interesting. I mean as you can see from how things have been lately, God has always tried to show me something to help me out. Even if it's just to learn the basic of surrendering the part of me that is trying to be perfect. Cos everyone knows no one is. All of us have our own flaws and mistakes. But that's just when we really live.

When we don't have to spend so much time trying to put a show and just go with the flow. Wherever the wind of life brings you to.

This time maybe I'll try again. I'll continue to swallow my pride and hoping that eventually everything will be alright.

Dear ________

2010-11-12T23:55:00.004+08:00

I don't know how many times I have to apologise,
before you ever start talking to me.
Probably never.

I thought maybe I should be completely honest with you.
I don't ask random serious questions. There was a very important reason
Well, not to you. Just me.
I don't like losing friends. Specially those who I have yet to know.

In all honesty, I like you. Your sweet and friendly. Maybe you are much more different from the person at work.

This is a confession, before it's too late. Probably after reading this you'll avoid me.
I'm hoping not. But I'm very sure. That's what every guy does.
You'll also probably hate me. I'm hoping not either. But it looks like it.

Before you start thinking I'm a shallow person who believes speculations, I'm not.

I'd take back what I said that night. I'm starting to sound desperate and pathetic, but that doesn't compete with you not being my friend. I sound like a kid, but I mean every single thing I've said.
I really hope we'll be alright soon.

Tell Me Something I Want To Hear

2010-11-11T21:46:00.001+08:00

Today work was between average to horrible. I think I have to pretend that nothing's wrong even though I'm a total wreck. As I've said, I wasn't eating lunch, I didn't. Met Joanne, cos she had her own agenda in Compass Point.

But I didn't really do much today. Even if we talked it's just a few words. Just questions. Like "Where is ....?" He doesn't know this feeling. I bet he really threw that piece of stupid pathetic note away. I don't think it meant much. I don't even remember what I wrote there. Okay, maybe just a little.

And put pride and shame aside, I said sorry to his face. Isn't that enough to let things be alright? I'm not sure. Cos when it comes to this, I'm hopeless. If you hurt me, it's okay, cos my heart will bear the pain. But if I hurt someone, offend them in anyway, I just can't take it. I need to know that things are okay. I need to know that my apology will be like a smile to a broken heart, a plaster to a cut.

Yes. I'll bear loves pain, but not the pain I've inflicted on others. I cannot stand to see someone go through such consequences because of my carelessness.

It's An awkward Silence

2010-11-11T07:25:00.001+08:00

So when you say the wrong things, wishing you could take it back, everything is different. I feel like total blunder. I'd like to say I'm sorry a million times hoping it'll be alright. But it'll never be alright. No wounds heal like that. He said it's hard to pretend. I totally agree with him.

I don't even have any face to show him, cos I'm filled with shame and guilt. But I'm thankful for having an awesome friend who tells me that it's alright cos that was what's on mind. You see, the best thing about having a friend and honesty, you don't have to be afraid to tell them.

There are probably various reasons I asked what I asked, said what I said. Kris Allen's song: The Truth rings in my mind. Especially the chorus. Here's how the chorus:

Trying to be perfect, trying not to let you down.

Honesty is honestly, the hardest thing for me right now.

I've been trying to take one step each day, but what I said the other night might just have been the only thing that has got me back to square one. I swear today's gonna be weird weird weird. I don't think I'm gonna have lunch today. I'm not too sure yet. Filled with embarrassment.

Let's just see how today goes. I don't like looking back in regret, but I guess that's what I'm doing now. It's only once I'll put pride before friendship, not today.

I'll apologise even if I'm gonna sound desperate.

Dinner

2010-11-10T00:57:00.001+08:00

I had a lovely dinner with Karine, Wen Jing and Amy at Sub cos of Karine's craving for Sub Meltz. LOL! I had a great dinner with you girls.

Cut Yourself

2010-11-10T00:25:00.005+08:00

I'm thankful that I have friends who can understand. Even if I don't know them that long. They're just awesome. I was afternoon today. I guess it wasn't too bad. The crowd was light. Spent most of my time with Wen Jing. Laughed a lot.

I had a really good conversation with her too. It's surprising she knows how I'm feeling. It's like she sees through the smile and laughter. It's really comforting... I never knew someone would ever understand how I was feeling. I swear it's like one of the few times someone understood.

This takes me back to when I was young and stupid, where I needed someone to talk to.The whole feeling just flashes back to me. It's an overwhelming downpour of knives attacking me from the only place that makes me happy.

I was direct and indirect enough. I had to try and make that move. It's a total risk taken, but it's gonna be a hard time trying to be his friend again. I think.

By the way, darling Wen Jing figured out the poem in about half a minute. :D

It's surprising cos I was the one who read it. If you know how I read, you'd understand why it'd be hard to understand.

If you're reading this.. I'm really sorry, I was out of line to ask you that. I know it's not easy to take back things said. I didn't intend to get out of line. Whatever's said is always meant. I'm not gonna say that I didn't mean it. I was just asking. I know it's hard to pretend. I may have gone through courses on how to be a good actor, but the truth really lies in your eyes, my eyes, everyone's eyes. So if you think, it's gonna be hard to pretend, you should know that pretending is not what half I do. It's everything I do. Thought you should know. Bottom line. I'm sorry. Please tell me if we're cool. Cos I feel guilty now.

Prom Dress

2010-11-09T01:18:00.000+08:00

Click for my Prom Dress

So I've got my prom dress. I love it! Although it's not really fitting, but hey, it fits. And I really love it. It's both red and black.. And sparkly :D

Dad spoilt my day by saying I shouldn't get contacts. I swear, I didn't talk in the car, till I fell asleep instead.

When I got home, I was still pissed. I locked myself in my room blasted some Taylor Swift and Simple Plan. Cried for quite sometime. Never knew I was feeling so hard about so many things. First is the crush who will never-know-never-like-me-back and Daddy being too waste-of-time on a day I am suppose to get out of the house.

I really feel like he wasted my day. I could've gone shopping, maybe just roamed around town, instead, I spend less then an hour in a place to get my dress, paid for it.. And went to Cold Storage for groceries for about half an hour. Then I told him in the car if we could go to Bugis. End up saying 'No'. Asked me where I can go buy my shoes... I'm telling him the stores.. End up he gets pissed and making it look like I'm wasting his time.

I was home by about 3pm. I swear today sucked big time.
Next week, I'm going to Bugis to see if I can get contacts, and maybe go and find a pair of strappy black heels :D

Tomorrow I work in the afternoon, and I have to be at the Customer Service for Gift Wrapping. Not to sure how I'll fair in that, but I hope I get to do announcements. As you should know by now, I'm comfortable at that :D

Saddest Thing About Love

2010-11-08T01:47:00.001+08:00

fDo you know what's the saddest thing about LOVE?

It's when you like someone, but that's just where it ends. It's like a dead end. I'll never tell him I like him , cos I know he'll never like me. Saves me the embarrassment. But it doesn't save my heart from breaking. I'll admit, I'm a fool for letting myself fall for someone who'll never like me back. Call me desperate. But what can you do when all I really want to find is love from a guy. I use to believe that love existed between a prince and a not-so pretty girl. But I'm starting to doubt that belief.

Gift WRapping

2010-11-08T00:24:00.001+08:00

Learned to wrap from Supervisor Hasnah! Then wrapped for a few customers. I was rather slow, but hey, I did a pretty good job on the first day of wrapping. The best customer I had was Karine, cos she was patiently waiting. I did the best wrapping for her item. Comparing to the other fussy customers.

Joanne, Yang, Wei Hong, Kit Kat and I went for dinner together. Cannot stop laughing randomly. Then, asking random questions. It was oh-so funny.

Now my darling friend know who I talk about in a poem. Finally! I swear dropping hints at her is like dropping bomb, but not noticing it you know. But she finally got it.

So I write this things in poems cos they sound complex. :D

Tomorrow I'm off. And I'm going shopping with my mom and dad.

I got my pay today :D

I'm excited!!!!!!!!

Oh. I really think he likes her... Seriously!

I Think I Like You

2010-11-07T01:36:00.001+08:00

You look at her with those eyes, oh, they don't lie.
The way there's a glow in your face when she's near you.
The way you put a fake dislike on your face when she hits you.

I am here, just another shadow behind her pretty face.
Quiet and proper that just don't stand out enough.
Too uptight for your taste.
Maybe I'm just shy to show you what I'm made of.

I wish you'd like me for what kind of person I am.

Sale 20 % Storewide

2010-11-07T01:25:00.002+08:00

These days, it's been hectic! The sale was crazy scary! I've had a few headaches or migraines. Not sure what it was. Had good and bad days.

I don't think I want to do gift wrapping at the CS.. Why would they want me to learn to gift wrap for. My skills are speaking not wrapping.

I've been feeling down with my heart. Everytime I see him, he looks more interested in her. Aren't I nice enough? I know I'm not pretty. So I think that says everything.

Well pay day is tomorrow. So Yay!

I still have church in the morning.Goodnight :D

I'll post something longer on Monday. Probably a major ranting session :D

Look My Way

2010-11-06T01:18:00.001+08:00

I saw how he looked at her. His eyes says so much that you think you're gonna go deaf. I am in total envy. No, not just envy... It's pure jealousy!

I know I don't really try to attract any attention, because I'm simple person. I don't try to act like I've got a big personality. Cos to be true, I'm shy, deep down besides my corrective tendency and my quick sarcastic remarks, I am really nice. You can ask my parents how sometimes they are surprise how my heart can be like gold. And you can ask my friends, sometimes how they get so caught into my very sensitive heart that I get so affected by what they say.

So, I wish he'd notice me. I wish he'd look at me with those eyes. I wish he'd talk to me. Cos I'm trying. I've tried being nice. Not that it's a chore, just that I wish he'd see that I'm a nice person.

Please look my way...

Will It Ever Be

2010-11-05T07:34:00.001+08:00

I wonder, I really wonder, if we could ever be more than just friends. Somehow, of all people I seem to sound like I'm desperately looking for love. I don't know what's up with that.

According to my darling friend, Karine, my crush always changes. Fact: I have a new crush! False: Always! Think about having a crush on someone for about a year, and waiting for nothing, wasting your life away? Don't you think it's long enough to try and find someone who'll notice you? So it's not that I always change my crush, you know.

But I've met someone who I don't know well, that I've fallen for. (I didn't say fallen in love with!) But I guess he'll never notice me. Although he only sees me as a friend. He's really awesome. But after all, the leading man is always looking for his beautiful leading lady. And I'm not that beautiful leading lady. I fall very far off from that character.

This Is A Rocky Road

2010-11-04T01:47:00.001+08:00

One day my heart was feeling broken, but then it mended itself. Today, it's broken again. I don't know. Maybe it's not true. Let's just see. I really hope not. I feel like a total schizo. One day feeling up, the next feeling down.

I swear it's crazy. But liking someone is miniature love. So every other thing about love applies. Like the fact it is blind, and it hurts.

My emotions are rocky roads right now. I could cry on the way home.

On the other hand, did more gift wrapping and doggy/goodie bag making then selling. But it was fun. Officially got Felicia's name and Jess :D Then disturbed Jane as usual. During tea break, hung out with Kit Kat. He's not much of a talker I must say. It's like he's dude of a few words. But a very nice dude.

Finally found the song I've been looking for too :D

Oh, and they played this really sad song :(

Laughing = Crying and Cramps

2010-11-02T23:20:00.002+08:00

Hello. I was off yesterday, but wasn't really in the mood to blog. As you can see from recent previous posts, I've been down with some heartaches, but not anymore. Well, I think there isn't anything to be in agony for.

I watched 'You Again' with Yun Jie and Karine yesterday and went window shopping. Got home about 8 plus. Had dinner with mom and played guitar, then continued listening to Taylor Swift's new album Speak Now. It's just oh-so-awesome!

At work today, had fun with Joanne as usual. Whenever we're together at work, we're usually like kids running around. But she's really great :D So as titled, my day was filled with so much laughter. First funny moment was this guy from the Toy Dept who was having his tea break was sitting just behind us on the next table. Then the cleaner auntie was having her tea break too. Suddenly her water spilled, I stood up just in time. The water spilled a great fraction on his pants. Joanne and I couldn't stop laughing, we just laughed so hard till we had cramps and started to tear.

The second funny moment was Yang Yang running like a total sissy to answer the phone. I swear it was the funniest thing I've ever seen. Re-enacting it was a breeze, except trying to get through the whole thing without bursting into laughter.

Today was really fun. Sadly tomorrow, a lot of peeps are off. Joanne and Yang Yang off :(
Dinner alone tomorrow, I guess I'll walk around or maybe go to the library or if I see KitKat, maybe join him, if he isn't to anti-social. Haha. I honestly think he is shy. Although he looks and sounds very stern.

I better sleep soon.. I mean now! I still gotta wake up about 6+ or 7+

Stop Beating

2010-11-02T00:15:00.001+08:00

If I could just be refrain from loving, I would have done so a long time ago. Every time I liked someone, they are just a distant admiration. I might as well like a celebrity. At least that doesn't become too personal. They don't break my heart.

If my heart was like my phone or MP3 player or any other battery-operated device, that would be great. I can just take them out and I shall not love. But with a heart so tender and sweet with no other reason, but to love, I am half the time just hurting myself.

I don't know how many go through such bad luck of loving but never being loved. But I guess I am one of those. I seem like a total happy person, but that doesn't mean I'm not feeling the biggest knife in my heart. Sometimes, even if I have a crush on someone, that stops me from even trying to be friends with that person, but I'm trying my hardest. Now that I try and face this fear, why do you have that look on your face? I hope you don't anything. Cos when you do, I guess that's when we become an awkward silence.

Please be my friend. No promises this feeling will go, but I'm hoping it will fade. No promises that I won't stare at you, but I know that there are better things to do.

Say It Out Loud

2010-11-01T01:06:00.001+08:00

I wish I could, but I won't. I'm hesitant. Everytime I'm hoping to just blurt it out, I'm expecting the worse. You don't know me, and I don't know you. Let's just keep it that way.

I like you even if you're sometimes rather confused. I love the way you smile. I love the way you laugh. And I love how crazy things sometimes get when I'm with you even if we're not alone.

Wondering If You Know

2010-11-01T01:03:00.001+08:00

Maybe it was a wrong move to try and get to know you from outside where we are. Cos I'm not sure if I'd like letting you know how much you make me feel like dancing in the rain and twirling about so happily. But I'm in the corner trying to hide from shame and you. I'm in the corner trying to hide my tears that I want to cry out. But I'll just run away into isolation so you can't hurt me without you knowing.

You make me cry thinking of how you make things seem like the sweetest.

When the day comes, my heart will say goodbye to you.

Never Knew Things Could Be This Different

2010-10-31T22:24:00.000+08:00

It's honestly so hard to get by the day without feeling a little sad that time is really wasted. But I'm not throwing in the towels yet. There are things I want that I'm gonna work my ass for.

I've never felt so distant from my friends. I've been with them for four years almost everyday. It feels a little empty without them sometimes.

I swear I can't wait for prom and results till i see them.

Speak Now

2010-10-30T23:39:00.004+08:00

I was reading the first page of Taylor Swift's album. She inspires me to feel better when my heart sinks to the bottom of the ocean. So, she has inspired me to tell specific people something like what she has done in her album. Here it goes.

Dear Sweet Guy,

I don't know you, but you take my breath away. So far, you've been the bestest and I've been trying to calm myself down whenever you're around. I just want to thank you for inspiring me. You are the sweetest guy I've ever met. Maybe I don't know you well enough to really say that you're sweet, but I really think you're just amazing. Although I sound a little sarcastic, I truly am nice. I love how you look at me even if you don't feel a thing. You're the best as I have said and I hope to go out even just hang around aimlessly. And I want to tell you that I really like you.

xoxo Joashelle

Dear Oblivious Guy,

You're really nice. I'm shy around you and lose words to say. I've written letters you'll never read and it has made me feel a lot better. You're really talented by the way. Thank you for the memories and awkward moments you leave me with. Seriously.

xoxo Joashelle

Hello Awesome

2010-10-30T22:17:00.001+08:00

I've been busy and exhausted. Been busy with trying to live my life for about 5 hours before I turn in for the night. Like everyday! Play guitar, FB, blog, watch YouTube... Exhausted from work, but heck it, it's been fun. It's been really busy there too. Restocking for the sale.. The shirt really looks like a kid's pj top. It's rather fitting. I hope it's not me just getting rounder.

I still have to wake up early tomorrow to do a little chores. I don't know what to write, but there's so many to write about. I think me doing nothing has caused my mind to have thoughts diarrhoea. I started posting my little un-awesome poem in FB in my Notes. But whatever.

Monday, I'm off, so I'll do some cleaning of my room and figure out what to do for lunch cos Karine is coming over, not sure if YunJie is. I want to play TheSims3, but time... Argh!!!

I shall just be in positive mood. I wonder if we have to return the t-shirt... Cos I don't like returning t-shirts. I love t-shirts. Especially because I could use that as a pj cos of the lame star design.

Today by the way is almost as awesome as yesterday... Everyday gets a little better... I think.

Look Before You Fall

2010-10-29T22:26:00.001+08:00

Today was an interesting day, both one of the best days at work so far and the worst.

Best Day:
Today was close enough to a fairytale. And it will probably be as close as it could get.

Worst Day:
I was in the battle zone between two customers. The aunty really needed to know that she can't blame someone for not being able to speak their language. This aunty started to make me feel a little pissed when she expected me to speak Malay. That's just f-ed up don't you think? Then a display set is just an example. Clearly the other lady was there first and she came to me asking if there was a new one. So what the f... And anyhow scolding my other colleagues because they don't speak Malay. Although the other lady lost it at first, she came down and said she doesn't mind if we reserved for her and collecting it later and in the end was patient enough and practical enough to just put the whole issue behind unlike the Malay lady.

Work was busy today. Restocking and it was messy and tiring. Had lunch with Joanne, then sat with Yang Yang and his friend. I swear I can't remember his name. I think I need to read it off his name tag. I am really good with name, but I don't know the spelling, I won't remember. LOL! Laughed a lot. Today was extremes and opposites all coming to one avenue. Oh! Gosh! Total drama don't you agree?

I finished my super short poem :D Now let's try and put some melody and figure the chords out :D

Slightly Better

2010-10-27T23:11:00.001+08:00

Work is getting a little better now. Even though it is still as tiring, I've finally made friends. Joanne is the cutest. She makes this high pitched noises which seriously funny. Wen Jing is funny too. Jun Yang is really friendly, weird and helpful. But Joanne and I are like little rascals annoying him.

I'm starting to get the hang of the job. The only thing I get scared of sometimes is not being sure of the products and all that. My biggest pet-peeve at work is probably customers who are really fussy and indecisive. Some customers are nice, so I guess it's not too bad.

Work was fun today. The crowd came late, but it was okay. A different crowd came. One with a stupid smile all over her face and two sane girls babysitting her. Nah, I'm just kidding. But seriously, Yun Jie, Beatrisa and Hui TIng came to visit. Then in the evening, Cheryl came along too.

So the lovely ladies know this big secret. So ladies, Shh!

I can't wait to see you at prom :D

This Goes Out To You!

2010-10-25T22:33:00.004+08:00

Karine! Click Here!

I Work In The Morning This Week

2010-10-25T21:26:00.001+08:00

So I work in the morning shift this week. I'm hoping it's easier than the afternoon. I'm thinking of bringing my own food cos I'm getting broke before my pay. I can't expect to keep borrowing money from my mom right. So yea. I think I'm gonna call Karine now to see what she did for lunch last week. Ok. I shall. I need to sleep early. Got to be up and going early tomorrow. :D

Day Four

2010-10-24T01:21:00.002+08:00

YOU'RE SUGAR COATED!

Day four is okay. The crowd was alright. They came and went. Some customers needed things that I didn't know where it was, a sweet colleague helped me out.

Super short post here. Cos it's in SummerSunShines for confidential reasons.

Day Three at Work

2010-10-22T12:57:00.002+08:00

Today was fun. I met another trainee who has worked slightly longer that me. About two weeks longer to be exact.

So we had some briefing about some promotion. I swear, I caught no balls. Like literally. But thankfully for a skill I've developed overtime, I highlighted in my mind what are the important things. Like all promos are oly for City Square branch.

Finally I helped out in the Christmas decoration. Well, I've blogged the rest in my MySpace. I've found out that those who are not on my friend list in MySpace can't see the post. So I'll post it in Tumblr :D (23 Oct 2010. 11.59pm)

Day Two at Work

2010-10-21T09:52:00.001+08:00

I was an early bird. I appeared at the staff entrance at 1.40 pm. Punched-in at 1.45 pm. My shift start 1.50 pm. That five minutes was a lot.

Karine stopped by during her lunch break. But my supervisor say cannot chit chat when she's on break. :( My dinner was a very quick one, since I was alone. But I guess in the afternoon and evening there are more customers. Manage to handle quite a bit today and learned quite a bit from Sunny :)

Okay, so I am basically attached to this OJT named Sunny:) ! She's so funny and cute and very small. The fun part about it is, we get a little lost in translation because she isn't really and English speaker. So she teaches me the product and process and I teach her how to read and say things. It's really fun, till she lives me occasionally to go somewhere (I really don't know where) and I have about two to three customers to handle and start scampering around like a mouse looking for my cheese in my department. I think my next off, excluding this coming Monday, I'm going to find my dress. Hopefully I do get my pay for October of two weeks.

When the crowd started to disappear, I was standing around chatting to the security guard. All sorts of things we talked about. Haha. There's also the guy who helps with the movements of the stock and and all, his friendly, a little weird, but friendly. Oh, btw, he was asking your name Lach, but don't worry, I didn't tell.

So my day was a little filled but still I was a little lonely like a jug filled with lemonade on an empty table.

I'm still hoping for a better day.

First Day at My First Paying Job

2010-10-19T23:43:00.008+08:00

It totally sucks! It's suppose to be a memorable event. But it was just horrible. For me to explain it in this analogy would be very weird, but hear me out.

It's like having to lose your virginity and just have the worse time. But that's how it felt. Bleah!

Your first time should feel like a rush of excitement. When it goes back to the analogy, of course it should feel like sparks flew and chemistry and heated passion. ( Did that make any sense???)

Well anyway, that is what it is. Not magical. My first time earning my own bacon and it was total bummer .

I start work at 1.50 pm tomorrow and Ms Karine Yang works in the morning. So sad isn't it. I prefer morning work cos it feels more normal like working at a 9-to-5 job.

I don't know why that guy put me in the afternoon. Hopefully helping out in the Christmas decoration :D or at least something more productive. I've got skills yo!

Well goodnight. I'm seriously exhausted from today.

Today was not a fairytale!

Took Me Forever

2010-10-18T22:37:00.000+08:00

Painted my finger nails just now. Somehow after awhile, the nail polish just becomes sticky... Then everything get ruined. So I started over. I have no idea how much cotton I have wasted or nail polish remover I've used up. Finally finished them. Though I think they still look terrible. I'm keeping it.

Well, I start work tomorrow. I have to hit the sack in a couple of minutes.

Need to do some clearing and cleaning.. And off I go.

Goodnight :D

I Whisper I Love You

2010-10-17T22:42:00.001+08:00

When the wind blows on a lonely night,
I'll pretend that you're right by my side.
When I feel afraid of the whistles of the wind,
I'll pretend that you're there to whisper in my ear.
When I feel alone in an empty place,
I'll pretend you're holding me tight.
And when the first drop of rain touches my cheek,
I'll pretend it's your goodbye kiss.
-----------------------------------------------

Like a glass, you see through me,
when misplaced, my heart falls and breaks
Like paper, perfect and ready,
when crumpled, we cannot go back to the days
Like a plant, needing care
when neglected, our love will crumble.

It's Obvious Enough, I'm Just Holding On

2010-10-17T22:26:00.000+08:00

I don't want to say cos it will jeopardise everything.

But it's a crystal clear I'll never fit in like a missing puzzle piece. I don't know. I guess I'm just holding on to the very little I can and do my best not to make any of you dislike me. But I've come to realise I will never fit it again.

I do regret acting the way I did back then, I do regret saying the things I said back then. The worse thing is y'all are so nice, but I am not just click like perfect magnet. I can see how much I am just the odd-one out. I am just a friend who will be there.

But I have to learn to keep it all to me. If any of you read this, please don't take this the wrong way, just how I am feeling.

Uninspired

2010-10-17T22:10:00.000+08:00

This will not be the only thing titled this. But I have no feelings that makes me want to write any song even if I forget it the next minute.

I've been aimlessly strumming my guitar the same old chords. Learning some new TS songs, but they just don't fill my hunger for creativity as much as it used to.

One minute I want to sing, the next play some TS songs, the next try and write my own ( but it's a mega fail!)
I think it's boredom kicking in. But I really feel so uninspired.

Before, I could write a verse or two. Describe how I wished things turned out for my own love story. I can't write about how I am frustrated, cos I am not feeling anything at all.

I hope to feel all inspired again... I want to feel the rush of words in my head....

Bleah!

I Don't Want To Close My Eyes?

2010-10-16T23:35:00.000+08:00

I can't sleep. I was comfortably lying in bed closing my eyes for thirty minutes, but I still wouldn't go into slumber. I don't know what's more annoying; trying to sleep early or needing to sleeping early.

I'm sitting on the floor next to my hamster's cage. She's finally settled resting on top of her wheel.She was so noisy gnawing on her wheel. OMG it was so loud!

I really don't know what to talk about. Well, firstly, I finally got my guitar picks!!!! I'm so excited. I probably won't use it as often as I would on my regular picks.

So I'm really bored. It's 11.30. I've set my alarm to 6 am. How the heck am I suppose to wake up?

Let me see, what do I have to do tomorrow? Okay, shower, dry my hair, straighten my hair, prep my face. Done! So that's pretty much it. Then have a good breakfast tomorrow. I don't know whether I should go early like last week. Nah! The band tomorrow is too big already.

Oh! I start work next week. Next Tuesday for that matter. I can't wait till pay day though. Haha. I'm still making amendments to my list of things to buy and amount to save. As you can see, I'm very calculative. Haha!

I think the heat from this area is making me sleepy now. I shall make an exit here. Good night!

Never Too Late: High School Never Ends (Classmates, I'll Miss You)

2010-10-11T02:02:00.000+08:00

As I have twitted, I feel like my class could've had more fun in last 3-4 years. I mean I could tell, what's been said and done has been. Nothing changes that. But overall, we are really just trying to make time filled with something better than just letting it tick away.

Honestly, I have no problem with people cracking a little joke about me. I mean once in a while, it's good to laugh at yourself. As long as it is not too personal and insulting. My biggest DON'T is talking bad about my parents, even if it's just a joke. You don't know them, therefore you cannot pass such a remark. I swear I'm gonna give you hell. I am not referring to anyone in particular, just a general thing you should know.

Well, anyway. As many of you know, I can really be a nice person. A little bit sarcastic, a little bit violent, or even dramatic, but I am truly a calm person. And I don't like talking if there's nothing to talk about. I guess I am a pretty balanced person. I'm not too hardcore unless it comes to music genre. No, I don't really dig those heavy metals, what I meant to say was, when I like a certain music genre or singers, I go all the way with their music.

Getting side-tracked here. Whoops!

Well, I just think about how I am gonna miss how people were. I am gonna miss having to see each and everyone's faces. It's such a shame that we really enjoy each others' company at these kind of gatherings. All of us have to try and meet up as class when we go in different routes in life alright.

There are so many things I want to say, but I can't remember what they really are. I am not trying to lighten the atmosphere of this post. I really have a lot to say, but there's too many that I'm bombarded with that I can't remember the most meaningful ones.

The only reason why high school never ends is because that's where you actually have grown. Not in elementary or in my case primary. But in high school or secondary school You evolve as a person. Not only do you mature, but you gain lifelong friends. If they are true, time and space will not be a factor to overcome, because great friendship are like puzzle pieces, fitted for another. But it's really just up to us to put the pieces together.

I swear, cross my heart, that I will make an effort to contact my classmates as we go different directions in our life.

You're Not A Kid Anymore

2010-10-10T23:59:00.028+08:00

Happy Sweet Sixteen

Koh Xin Yun Cheryl

10.10.10

I have no Idea where I got this from. I really can't remember. But I think it's from a book.

2010-10-02T00:51:00.000+08:00

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched.
They must be felt with the heart.
Love must be as much a light as it is flame.
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart.
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.